ready..set...think...hope...pray

i don't know if someone can relate to me...i guess most girls do...as they say...we are fickle-minded individuals...but i really do hope that at least one can relate to me...

have you felt like you already made all necessary preparations to say that you are ready...it can be relocating, shifting to another college course, buying that clutch/bag/shoes/et cetera?

i'm sure you know what i mean...

i have this one not-so-crucial-but-still-important make-or-break moment...where i have to choose whether to hold on to the past, be happy with the present or take a chance on the future...(guess i should have this as the title...laughs).

it may sound simple....but choosing one or even the thought that i have to choose was and is really quite an ordeal...the fact that whatever i choose, many would really be affected...of course, there's always consequences to whatever you do...

yes...i was ready...was...when i only have the past and present to choose from...i was set to go to what i believed in was right...but like i have been told, not all that felt right is always right for you...an oh, reality bites...then came a tempting chance in the future...

so just when i thought that i was ready set...i had to stop to think again...and again...again...best thing to do (always) when making tough decisions....the only problem though is time...

but i took my time...i have rushed some decisions before and i paid a lofty price...

past...a huge influence of what i am now...
we have this old saying..."ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ay di makakarating sa paroroonan" ...i don't know the english counterpart for this...but it's like what Confucius said, "Study the past, if you would divine the future..." yes, all learnings came from our past sometimes, sadly, we are judged by it...and yes, a part of that past is still pulling me back...and i certainly not going to be one of those who are still living in their past...


then the present...contentment...
but whenever i hear contentment, what always play in mind is one of my favorite author's line in of her novels... "Conventionality is the refuge of a stagnant mind" (Judith McNaught)...

and so came future...bright but risky and still vague... 
and though this "fear of the unknown" lurks in mind but gives me a certain kind of rush...still...i can't stop worrying...

so many what ifs...then i came across this... "The secret of the health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." (Buddha)

i just hope i have made a good decision...(if not the right one at least be good)...and so i pray...

“Learn the past, watch the present, and create the future.”

...

Dear __________,

we have been playing this hide and seek quite so long
starting to feel the flame is not as strong
now, here i am, onto my next attempt to write a new song
with hopes that someday, beside me, you'd be singing along.

oh, indeed, it is hard to wait daylong
contemplating if still necessary for me to prolong
but as long as to someone else, i do not belong
i won't mind the longing
                ...the aching
                ...the waiting........because, to be with someone not you would be so so wrong.

...

Dear __________,

Another day passed.

Now looking for a spell to cast

Because as I watch the rising of a new day

Reality bites...To find you goes a long way.