My Legacy

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. 

It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.” ― Ray Bradbury


Ever since I started to know what is right from what is wrong... Ever since I started to slowly mature... Ever since I started learning... Ever since I learned that to be able to move on, one must dream... And so ever since I started dreaming bigger that I used to... I knew I won't be settling here... I knew and I felt that I was meant for an adventure of a lifetime...somewhere else. And I won't be able to do so...if I stay.

I did try once...and it was both fun and bumpy ride. Looking back on those days when I had a glimpse and taste of independence...I now realized why I had to come back home in the first place...I wasn't really ready and most especially, family comes first.

And now that I can somehow say that I am ready for that adventure...I must face this challenge... to put things in order and stabilized this "project" I started...hoping that it will be ...my legacy.

At least, I left something before I take in another challenge...before I pursue what my heart really desires.

BREAKING DAWN

Dawn is the time of the day when the light first appears in the sky. But breaking dawn may be the commencement of the day.

No. I am not here to talk about the actual moment of day which we so-called dawn, as we all used to say, “Dawn is breaking.” Nor I am talking about the last installment of the twilight saga which has girls of almost all ages got so hooked and going gaga over the superficial characters from which people who played the roles and most especially the capitalists have been taking leverage of.  But somehow it is of relevance to that time of day…the metaphoric way that is. It is because my versions of “breaking dawn” happened in the afternoon.

Dawn. As a noun, can be that time in the morning, the first appearance of daylight or simply the beginning or rise of anything. As a verb, to begin to grow light or to open or develop. Both connote the same thought, obviously. But my experience with the word was more of a verb that is…to begin to be perceived…

Literally and figuratively, my “breaking dawn” was indeed very late. I sure needed the time to think things over but when the idea, the answer, dawned on me… I was already late. It was already twilight.

I AM NOT A WRITER...

by profession that is...

Let's say...I am just very opinionated at times, a hopeless romantic in a way, very imaginative and a bit of a "rhetoric". I often don't say what I really feel that is why  writing is very helpful for me not to dwell on "past bad events and memories".

Besides, as how I am always reminded growing up, "If you have nothing good to say, you better not say a word at all." So true. Of course, I sometimes forget when I am almost to explode with anger. But, as being raised to be with finesse at all times, I must control. That is why I am here trying to write.

So what am I?

I can proudly say that I AM A WRITER. (did I also mention I am self-contradicting individual...laughs)

Anyway... I don't earn money out of it, BUT... at least, I have earned some respect from those I also respect. And that, I am contented.

So...until my next inspiring or challenging days.

An UGLY personality, DESTROYS a pretty face.

INDEED.

I so happen to be lucky to have a righteous mother...who will constantly remind us to be good. And like she always say, "Good things come to Good people." and that, "A good heart shines through." With a mother like that, it's both pleasure and pressure...laughs.

My mother, like any normal person, is not perfect. But one thing for sure, she is kind. And that reflects on how she looks like. People are always at awe when they learn that she is in her 50s and that she had nine (9) children and two (2) grandchildren. People say that maybe because she smiles a lot. But it's not for us and for those who really know my mother and even my mother would say, that she is able to smile a lot despite all the stress, not because she can. "Anyone can smile," she will tell you that, "But its another story when you can really "genuinely" smile." And I am certain we all have seen fake smiles. A person who has good personality can really give, not just good smile, but light feeling. A smile that is contagious.

That is why, I really got disturbed when this girl, very pretty girl, came in the cafe...all smiles. Like you can almost see all her teeth. She was apologetic for she came very late. You might be wondering why I know this. NO. She isn't the company I was expecting. Just that, we are just one table apart. And oh my, she has loud presence.

Going back...

Yes, she was being sweet as she apologized. I have no idea how late she was since I just arrived five minutes earlier but her friends sure looked pissed. One was actually in a hurry that just a minute or two after she arrived, that friend left. And viola. She was like making faces as they watch their friend leave. And good thing,  my manners were in tact, coz I really felt like raising an eyebrow.

I didn't really listen after that coz I have more important things to do than dwell on how "good of a friend" that pretty-face girl is.

bottom-line...ladies and gents...in this world...no matter how busy, fast-paced it has become...there are still eyes watching your every move, listening to each word, getting the vibe you are exuding, et cetera...yes, sadly, there are some who would really prefer pretty faces over good personality...but if you already have the pretty face, be as good as you can be...actually, all should.

I'm actually just going around here...so imma stop and actually have to run now...im sure you got the point...

ready..set...think...hope...pray

i don't know if someone can relate to me...i guess most girls do...as they say...we are fickle-minded individuals...but i really do hope that at least one can relate to me...

have you felt like you already made all necessary preparations to say that you are ready...it can be relocating, shifting to another college course, buying that clutch/bag/shoes/et cetera?

i'm sure you know what i mean...

i have this one not-so-crucial-but-still-important make-or-break moment...where i have to choose whether to hold on to the past, be happy with the present or take a chance on the future...(guess i should have this as the title...laughs).

it may sound simple....but choosing one or even the thought that i have to choose was and is really quite an ordeal...the fact that whatever i choose, many would really be affected...of course, there's always consequences to whatever you do...

yes...i was ready...was...when i only have the past and present to choose from...i was set to go to what i believed in was right...but like i have been told, not all that felt right is always right for you...an oh, reality bites...then came a tempting chance in the future...

so just when i thought that i was ready set...i had to stop to think again...and again...again...best thing to do (always) when making tough decisions....the only problem though is time...

but i took my time...i have rushed some decisions before and i paid a lofty price...

past...a huge influence of what i am now...
we have this old saying..."ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan, ay di makakarating sa paroroonan" ...i don't know the english counterpart for this...but it's like what Confucius said, "Study the past, if you would divine the future..." yes, all learnings came from our past sometimes, sadly, we are judged by it...and yes, a part of that past is still pulling me back...and i certainly not going to be one of those who are still living in their past...


then the present...contentment...
but whenever i hear contentment, what always play in mind is one of my favorite author's line in of her novels... "Conventionality is the refuge of a stagnant mind" (Judith McNaught)...

and so came future...bright but risky and still vague... 
and though this "fear of the unknown" lurks in mind but gives me a certain kind of rush...still...i can't stop worrying...

so many what ifs...then i came across this... "The secret of the health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." (Buddha)

i just hope i have made a good decision...(if not the right one at least be good)...and so i pray...

“Learn the past, watch the present, and create the future.”

...

Dear __________,

we have been playing this hide and seek quite so long
starting to feel the flame is not as strong
now, here i am, onto my next attempt to write a new song
with hopes that someday, beside me, you'd be singing along.

oh, indeed, it is hard to wait daylong
contemplating if still necessary for me to prolong
but as long as to someone else, i do not belong
i won't mind the longing
                ...the aching
                ...the waiting........because, to be with someone not you would be so so wrong.

...

Dear __________,

Another day passed.

Now looking for a spell to cast

Because as I watch the rising of a new day

Reality bites...To find you goes a long way.

...

Dear ____________,

I woke up so early this morning. But it was hard to wake up from a wonderful dream especially when everything felt so real. It was thaaat goood that, for the first time, I somehow regret waking up. But, of course, I had, have and need to. Call me silly but I felt that way. Well, I have moved on. Besides, I am and must be contented with the snapshots that somehow escaped to be suppressed into my unconsciousness (again) ...like the other beautiful dreams I had.

You must be wondering as to what made it beautiful that I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

I know I haven’t seen you. I don’t even know you at all…but I know and really felt that it was you. And even though I still didn’t get to see everything as clearly as I want to with all the windy, foggy surrounding…but I got to hold your hand…in fact, you were gripping my hand as if you want to crash it in a no pain kind of way.

They say dreams have meanings…well, I really do hope that this means you’re within my reach now. And if dreams do come true…may this one and the rest of the dreams related to it, do come true. And when that time comes, I won’t be letting go of that hand…ever.

Until my next dream…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

One may call me weird for having these dreams. Well, these scenes are quite normal… what is not I guess is me being convinced that it is related to some sort of future reality… yes, in a very futuristic and hopeful perspective anyway… what can I do? I am a hopeless romantic… hehehe… well, no harms done…so let’s continue dreaming.

HUMOR

What is humor?

Miriam Webster defined it as something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing. While on the reliable online free encyclopedia, Wikipedia, it is the tendency of particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. Whether it’s Webster or Wikipedia, both agree with the fact that humor entails amusement. And I couldn’t agree more. But as an average thinker that I am, I have other simple understandings with the matter.

Most of the times, when humor is mentioned, what quickly comes to our minds are the different jokes that we heard over and over. May it be those classic punch lines, pick-up lines, green jokes or even simple mispronunciation of words can instantly be associated with humor. Simply put, anything that made/makes people laugh is humor.

Furthermore, we think of humor when we encounter a funny person doing hilarious, exaggerated and sometimes absurd acts. A clown is a perfect example of this particular person. If not all, most of us enjoy a clown’s performance. But we’re not only talking about clowns here. That person can be a family member, relative, friend, co-worker or even a complete stranger. It may be very inconsiderate of me but I am guilty of laughing at someone else’s funny mishaps. Such as those models tripping off the runway, a person accidentally sneezed at someone, a person stuttering and messing up the words and grammar, and the list goes on. I’m sure you have the same encounters.

Moreover, in conformity with the first definition, humor is not only limited with acts and jokes. A simple picture, painting, or design that exhibits amusement is still a representation of humor. Therefore, either it’s moving picture like those comedy movies or funny home videos or still pictures, the mere fact that we’re entertained and amused is enough implication of humor.

However, I may slightly disagree or make some revisions with Webster’s definition.

Yes, humor can be drawn out of something designed to be humorous or funny or amusing. But in addition, humor is a natural occurrence. It happens and comes out of nowhere. And that’s what makes it more amusing, its being unexpected. Actually, anything with the element of surprise really awakens emotions and reactions and in this case, being joyful and being able to laugh. This is actually how I understood Wikipedia’s version.

But of course, there is more to it than that. In a deeper sense, for me, humor is not only confined with being a quality that we look into for a companion. It is not also just an idea or an act that makes us laugh. And most especially, it is not just about what is funny. For some it is a way of living.

I am fortunate enough to have known a person who enlightened me with that answer. He said that humor is part of his life not because he wants to laugh or jokes around but because he wants to be happy. Not that he doesn’t want to laugh or have fun, who does? It’s just that for him it is more than the laughter. “Humor is not just about laughing. At times, what made people laugh makes us feel guilty instead of being happy. I see humor not only as a source of laughter but also of happiness. There really is a thin line between the two, laughter and happiness that is. Not all of what’s causing us to laugh can cause us happiness,” he added.

Indeed, it’s such enlightenment and he definitely gave humor another meaning. Important lesson of the day: Humor is happiness.

Attempt 101: A Sonnet

Amidst the challenges and fears

Coupled with loneliness and rejection

One cannot really hide the tears

Despite a forceful determination

I cannot blame the weakness of the heart

Or the shallow mind and perspective

For it was expected from the start

Sadly, it was easy not to be cognitive

Others' predictions may have been true

And constant reminder had been done

All were left ignored and told, "Adieu"

Gone unnoticed, ere the rising of the sun

But one can always look back and return

Like others' cliché, end up with pictures to burn