SO MUCH FOR HAPPY ENDINGS...

there's really no point in seeing you and give in to what my heart desires if in the end you still have to go and leave me hanging...i'm tired...i'm still human...though i can still wait...but definitely not forever...long did i already accept the fact that you can never be mine...it's enough that i've been a part of your life...that you let me be part of it...somehow! i rather have you as my friend than not having you in my life at all...

still in progress - needs title & melody

...
A bottle of champagne
Really not enough to cure the pain
I drove for another mile
Just to make a pile
Heading somewhere else
Looking for some wishing well-s
Got to make lots of wish-es
Before this heart turns to ash-es
...
I broke your heart yet you broke mine
Far worse than I have anticipated
I ain’t settling now for a glass of wine
Coz the least I want is to be jaded
I’m free alas
But why was it so fast?
...
Now teardrops start to fall
In that song, is this what they call
Many sleepless nights and the tears I cry?
Forgetting not that matching sigh
Might as well I should stay
In this bar and sing “my way”
To find how true what people say
Folks got killed for singing “my way”
...
I didn't mean to break your heart
You could’ve been easy on me
Why didn’t you tell me from the start
You know I wanted to be free
Okay, I wanted to
But not by hurting you…

...
I broke your heart yet you broke mine
Far worse than I have anticipated
I ain’t settling now for a glass of wine
Coz the least I want is to be jaded
I’m free alas
But why was it so fast?

LOSING YOU IS LOSING ME!

Have you watched rush hour 3? In case you haven't watched yet, there was a scene there where Chris Tucker was confused between the apprentice's and the master's names...Duh! Just watch the movie if you want to know what I'm talking about. I'm not really good at narrating. [Laughs] Actually, this has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about, at all. I just can't forget that scene when I hear the words "you" and "me".
...
Well... "Losing you is losing me."
...
Oh, come on! Grow up! This is the worst I've ever heard so far!
...
I know, losing someone dear to you is really hard. Oftentimes, "hard" can't describe the pain of such lost or even justify what you are really going through. But that doesn't mean the world ends there. "Lost" doesn't always mean "end". Most definitely. Sometimes, losing is gaining. And sometimes, you have to lose in order to gain. I believe that this applies to everything and everyone. But let's stick with losing someone.
...
As an average human being, I'm no exemption to this dilemna. I have lost several times. And throughout time, I was made aware that despite the lost, I was able to gain.
...
I was "hooked up" with someone I thought to be my destiny. Believe me, it's more "corny" then than how it sounds now. Anyway, that someone was a long-time crush. So when I had the chance to have him, I did everthing to get him. And I must admit, I kind of lost myself back then. But in return, I got him, I guess. And just as I thought that things will be great from then on, he left. And I've never been so clueless, confused, shocked, sleepless and very paranoid after that. I really didn't know what to do. I thought I'll go crazy. Fortunately, I'm still here, sanely writing and trying to convince people. [Laughs]
...
Of course, it was long before I've moved on, like years long. I am myself now. I really have myself back when I lost him. That's what matters most, right? And that's what I'm trying to tell you folks.
...
If you say that you'll lose yourself without him, forget it! It's definitely not love anymore if that's what you think what love is. Love is supposedly to bring out the best in you, not bring you out of yourelf or out of your mind. Love is to nurture not to destroy or exploit. So when you say that you'll lose yourself, think again. Because it's like saying losing your life. Duh! My point is simple, when you think that you truly love someone that much for you to lose yourself, snap out of it! It won't do anything good not only to you or to him but also to those around you.
...
I'm not saying that you have to take everthing that I'm saying or that I'm right about this matter of love and life as well. I'm talking just based on my own experience. You don't really need me or anyone. You actually know what to do. You just have to wake up first.

A SONG THAT WAS NEVER HEARD

Do you know how many songs are there already? I don’t think so. And neither do I. Answering this would take more than a lifetime. Well, of course, so long as there is humanity or any living thing in this world, there will always be music, there will always be songs.

...
People write songs to express what or how they feel. Some make them for their religion, some for their loved ones, some for their country, some for themselves, and some for money. That is why there are songs that tell a sad story or proclaim a victory or declare passion and love or simply say nothing important at all, et cetera.

...
But I’m not writing for the facts nor for the technicalities of it, I’m here to tell a story about a song that was never heard. I know you haven’t heard every song there is, but this one was never heard by anyone except, of course, the one who made it.

...
Three years ago, I had the chance of meeting this person in a gathering. I forgot how old he was but I think he was two years my senior and I was 15 then. Hahaha! I’m just kidding, I was 19? Hahaha! Anyway, he was the one I first noticed when I arrived. He’s not attractive, okay. It’s just that he was alone and appeared to be in need of someone to talk to. Fortunately, we were introduced by a common friend. So I learned that he was some guitarist/vocalist of a band. And again, I forgot the name. And after we were introduced, he went back to being alone, stuck in that corner of the room, holding a pen and a paper, and trying to write something despite the noise. I thought he was preparing for a speech so I approached him thinking I could be of help. What more will you expect from me? Hahaha! But he didn’t notice me until I spoke, imagine that! Hahaha! I know he was not up for a conversation but I know he wanted to talk to someone. Good thing he was a perfect gentleman, definitely far from his rough look. And when I finally got him to talk, I found out that he was not writing a speech, he’s not even one of those who will be giving one. You got it! He’s writing the song I’m talking about. I asked him what the song is all about and for whom. He didn’t tell me. Huhuhu! He said that he just started writing. I know he just made that up just to stop me from questioning and I respected that. I actually sensed that it was really a personal matter. And I let him be. And later that night, the common friend I told you a while ago drove me home. Unexpectedly, he was asking a lot about the guy instead of me asking about him. But then the asking turned into storytelling. I then learned that he, the guy I just met that is, just broke up with his “rumoured” girlfriend. Rumoured because what they had, according to them, was not official. The parents didn’t know though I’m sure they were one of the reasons of the break up and even their friends didn’t know the real score between them. They were just shocked that they broke-up. I don’t know how true this break up is but it’s their business. What’s more shocking is that the host that night was actually the “rumoured” girlfriend. I just hope I didn’t offend the girl by talking to him that night. If only I knew. Well, the girl still invited me a year after, maybe it was nothing to her anymore. Now then, I knew what the secrecy was all about. It must have been very hard for him that night.
...

I thought I won’t be seeing him again after that but a trip back home was all I need. We were still familiar with each other since it was just a week later. So we were seatmates during the trip, which is to my advantage. Of course, I can now ask about that **** song. And I had an hour and a half to do that. Hahaha! He was probably cursing me back then but I don’t care. So I kept on asking until he shared a little. But the sharing had been all about his band and their music and the possibility to disband. And for the song, he just said that he’s still working on it. I wish I could ask more but then I knew I had to stop. Heartbreak is enough for the poor guy and constantly reminding him of it is already cruelty. Hahaha! In short, I didn’t get anything from that trip.
...

And now, after three years, I saw him again. He was not the rough-looking guy anymore. I must say that he really improved, physically. Hahaha! We did a short chitchatting and, accordingly, he just arrived from Manila last week and he’s going back this weekend. The funny thing was that the first thing I asked him was the song he was working on three years ago, which made him burst into intense laughter. He couldn’t believe that I still remember that after all these years. If it wasn’t clear to me then, there’s no way I could get over it, I told him that, which made him laugh even more! Hahaha! But to answer my question, he said that I can have it if I want to. I asked why, of course! And he said that there’s no reason to keep it and he sighed. I didn’t ask further and I didn’t accept the offer though I was tempted to give in. Just the fact that he made it for the one he loves or loved and that the one he was supposed to give it to didn’t have it first is more than enough for me to forget it. And we parted.
...

But I didn’t stop there. I texted all my friends who knew the girl and I found out that the girl is already married and now, expecting her first baby. I guess that explains the sigh…
...

Actually, I’m still wondering about the song because somehow I can relate with the guy in some ways. I also have written some songs but at least some of mine were already heard. I’m still thinking what the song is all about, how it sounds like, and how deep, passionate, or meaningful are the words in it, et cetera. And I wonder how it must have felt to give away what you have worked hard for or to have someone else make use of it.
...

[Sigh]I’ll try not to write this kind of an article again. Hahaha!

my simplest birthday celebration...so far!

It's my birthday today... Wheew... I'm not getting any older! [laughs]

Don't ask me of my age... You won't get any response to that... Just do your research! [laughs]

Anyway, yeah, this is my simplest brithday celebration so far! Why? Well, I'm celebrating it alone... And somehow I like it... coz I really have my special day for myself... hehehe... Where are my friends? Well, I did an advance celebration last week with them though... So another week of celebration with them again? Good luck to my wallet... hahaha...

As of now...obviously...I'm posting here another nonsense...hahaha...And maybe later on I'll be heading downtown to unwind...naks! I'm still thinking of a best spot for a loner...hahaha...hmmm...I'm used to being alone actually but this time is different... of course!

I thought of watching a movie but I always do that...duh...what can you expect from a movie buff...if only i can go watch movies everyday, i'll be more than willing to do so... And so I thought of going to blugre in MTS...but then again, I always go there...I guess the crew there are already familiar with me...besides, I want to have a good sleep tonight, so no coffee for now...in fact, I already had 3 cups for this day...I just wish i could still have a good night sleep... I also thought of going to seawall...but duh...alone and no ride? hahaha...I can't think of anything else...so I'm stuck here again exposing myself to radiation...hahaha!

Watta celebration! Happy birthday to me!

Thanks to all who didn't forget to greet me!

ONE CUP OF COFFEE & IT'S A BLAST!

I really love drinking coffee as much as I love watching movies. It has been part of my daily life. It has played a great role in some of my life's significant times. Coffee was there during exams and defense, when I'm drunk and heartbroken, when I'm alone and bored, when I'm with my friends and talking all night long or simply when I get crazy again and just doesn't want to sleep at all. You may have notice that it's more than a "drink" for me now. Yeah, it has become a great companion. I can't call it a day without it. As a matter of fact, I'm having one right now. [Laughs]

In almost everything that I do, especially those that require staying up all night, I must have coffee first. As I've said, "One cup of coffee and it's a blast!" [Laughs]

YOU COMPLETE ME!

Sounds familiar?
I was watching Jerry Maguire just a while ago. Probably, that was my 10th time or more. I just don't know why I can't seem to get enough of that movie. Well, Tom Cruise as the lead actor has a lot to do with it. And it's a lie if I say that it's not because of him. I won't dare ignore him anyway [laughs]. But aside from him, the story just never ceases to move me. No matter how many times I've seen it. Especially the part when Jerry, my Jerry, said the legendary line. "YOU COMPLETE ME." Now, who wouldn't be moved by it? Definitely, no one in this world doesn't want someone tell him/her such a mind-blowing declaration of affection. I know. You just couldn't agree more. [Laughs]
I wish I had Renée Zellweger's role! [Laughs] Yeah. Not just in the movie but also in real life. I wish I have a Jerry of my own. [Laughs]
Isn't it obvious that I'm really into the movie?
I guess, if not all, some girls would agree with me if I want a Jerry. What's with him? In any case that you haven't seen the movie yet, aside from his very irresistible looks, tantalizing eyes, and breath-taking smile, he is a good person. Though he made mistakes which is, by the way, human's nature, he still tried to be a good person and actually changed to be a better one. But to top it all, he is a man who is, with all his heart, mind, body, and soul, brave enough to declare his love to the world. If he's able to tell someone that she completes him, that's someone worth dying for.
WOW. That's enough about the movie. And if you really haven't seen it, where were you? I'm just kidding. Seriously, do get a copy so you can relate to me. [Laughs]
I'm not saying that Jerry is the ideal man, of course, I'm well aware that a lot out there are better than him. But I wonder how many of them left now. No offense meant. I know that to love is to risk. And that you must prepare yourself for all the consequences. That you can't just love and worry no more. Love is really not enough. So let's face it, nowadays, loving is riskier since people tend to be very cautious or be very playful, sometimes both. For this reason, I can't help but wonder.
Wheew. Before I get more serious, I wanna bid farewell for now. Honestly, I'm running out of words. I'm just not good with matters of the heart. [Laughs] But seriously, if someone is out there better than my Jerry, you better complete me. [Laughs]
Je dois y aller maintenant. Adieu.

I GOT REASONS...

I can still remember the first day I saw him. He was too distant from everything and everyone that surrounds him. It’s as if he has his own world. And maybe that’s why I was drawn to him right there and then. I was so intrigued as to what is in his world. I was wondering of what’s really in that world of his, which made him able to, somehow, ignore THE WORLD around him. At first, I thought I was just being curious, but later on, to my surprise, I came to realize that aside from wanting to enter his world, I already wanted to be part of it. And that I don’t want to be another mere spectator anymore.
And by a strange quirk of fate, I was almost entering his world. I couldn’t believe at first, but he was there, smiling right in front of me. And I was kind of thrown to a situation where I could lose my sanity. At times, I had to slap myself just to know if I’m just dreaming. Well, that was an exaggeration though. But I did some ridiculous things just to continually remind myself of the possibility that it’s not really for real. That it’s actually a dream after all.
And it was.
They’re telling me that I should have been over it by now. They never ran out of words if they were to discourage me. They’ve already said almost all awful dreadful, terrible, appalling, unpleasant, horrible, shocking, mean, nasty, cruel words that I could think of. And that’s just to dissuade me.
Not that I don’t care of what they’ve been telling me, of course, I’m overwhelmed that they’re concerned and that some actually went out of their way to express how much they care for me, but my answer is simple, I got reasons. I can’t elaborate on those reasons though but rest assured that it has nothing to do with him anymore, definitely. Let’s say, it’s about me now.

THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE

I’ve been thinking lately. Now that’s something to be proud of. [Laughs] Seriously, after having thought over the things that happened to me these past few months, I came to the point of asking why I keep on tormenting myself with past events. In the first place, cliché may it seem, but past is really past. The damage has been done. And all I can do now is to be a better a person, a person who’s dreaming again and who’s not thinking of the worst times but of the best times instead. And speaking of the best times, I, definitely, got a lot to share.

...
First in the list is, of course, the day I was born. That would certainly be the best of the best. Because, without me being born, I will never have the best times of my life. And thinking of it now, guess I have to “really” celebrate my birthday from now on. So folks, better ready those gifts. Remember, “It’s better to give than to receive”. [Laughs]

...
Another best time is my chance to be educated. As always being said, intelligence is something that is yours, something that can’t be stolen. Besides, without intelligence, I won’t be able to know whether I’m having the best times of my life or not. [Laughs] Another thing is, my chance to be educated is also my chance to gain friends. So going to school is really having one of the best times because it’s where I found my friends. Also, it’s where I learned a lot. I gained knowledge, as expected. I learned to socialize and to present myself in a crowd. I learned how to improve my skills/talents. I learned what my rights are and learned to fight for it. And the learning keeps on. Though I was absent most of my school days [laughs], I can say that I still learned a lot. [Laughs]

...
What else? How about love?

...
Yeah. Being in love for several times is one of the best times. [Laughs] The feeling when you’re in love is really incomparable and so unexplainable. You know what I mean, right? Wheew. I can’t even get the right words to describe the feeling. It’s really a mix of all emotions. You’re excited and yet you’re nervous and anxious. You feel contentment yet you’re paranoid. You’re happy yet you’re scared. Name it. You’re really in an ocean of emotions when you’re in love, right? Maybe that’s why it’s really having the best time when you’re in love coz it’s like a roller coaster ride. [Laughs]

...
Hmmm…

...
Yeah. Being with friends is also having the best time. I can be foolish, be very foolish. I can be “emo” and yet laughing at the same time. [Laughs] Also, I can do a lot of things with them, as in A LOT. Gosh! I miss them all, especially my board mates. I miss our late night talks, our dress rehearsals, our videoke times, our “kanto” moments, everything. Actually, it’s with them that I can be whatever I want to be. Period. [Laughs]

...
And the best time goes to…

...
Of course, it will be the times when I’m with my family. It’s where all the best times started. The foundation of my being. What can I say? Without them, there’ll be no ME. I can and must say that I can lose everything but not my family!

...
Duh… So serious!

WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL?

They say that we are all special because we are all unique individuals. Of course, aside from being unique, since we're born with it, there could also be other factors that made you special, right?

...
As for me, I agree with the aspect of being unique. But I also know that there are other things that made me special. And I believe that I am special. I may not be as special as the rich and the famous personalities and though i didn't have the same special treatment they get wherever they go, but, still, I am special.

...
I am special because I have a family that loves me unconditionally, a family that I can always rely on when I need them the most, a family that despite everything I've done, still welcomes me with arms wide open. In short, I have a home to come to especially when everyone has left me.

...
And of course, I am special coz I have friends, true friends to be exact. They were the ones who didn't leave me and actually, tried their best to keep me from falling to a bottomless pit of uncertainty.

...
Believe me or not, I am special because I have enemies. Let me rephrase that, I am special because I have critics. Well, without them, I will never know what's to improve about me. I will never know the bad side of me. Right? Besides, they are constant reminder that somehow I am being envied. Now that's being special. HAHAHA.

...
There could be a lot more reasons for my being special but that's for me to find out. SO WHAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL?

IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES...

As I was on my way back here in Davao this morning after spending my weekend back home (which, is, by the way, a must in the family if I don't want to face my father's wrath), news about the bombings in Cotabato and Bansalan was repeated for a couple of times on tv (inside the bus). Having seen the news for the nth time, of course, I was nervous, fidgeting, and scared to death. Well, I knew 'bout the bombings before I enter the bus but the fact that I don't have a clue wether there's a bomb in the bus, how can I not be scared? Anyway, while having mixed emotions over it, I came to realize significant things in my life and started asking myself, what if there's a bomb in the bus? (thank GOd there was none during my trip)

...
We are all aware that no one really knows the future [except GOD, of course]. If you really have such an awareness, can you say that you have lived your life to the fullest? Have you been a good person? Have you learned from your mistakes and used such learnings to be a better person?

...
Have you told your family especially your parents how much you love them and how much thankful you are for the things they've given you especially the "unconditional love" they have for you? Have you done something for them?

...
Have you thanked your friends for the friendship, for the good experiences, for the happy moments you had with them?
Have you already told the person you love that you love him/her and how much you care for him/her?
Have you given something good to your community and to mother nature?
Have you asked forgiveness to all of those you've hurt?
Have you tried the things you want to try?
Have you done the things you wanna do?
Have you gone to the places you wanna go to?
Have you eaten the food you want to eat?
Have you seen the things or the people you've been looking for or you've been dying to meet?
Do you already have good memories that you can take with you?
Can you say that you are happy or that you were able to make other people happy?

...
There were a lot more questions that occured to me but these were the questions I was pondering over during the trip I had this morning, a trip that has been like a nightmare, the worst thing is that I was awake.

...
As they say, "Anything can happen to anyone". No doubt 'bout it especially nowadays. So have you thought of it?

...
What if tomorrow never comes?